This has been an incredibly hectic and challenging summer. I have a hard time coming up with the right way to describe the last three months.
My Mother’s dying overshadows everything else. It is like a run away freight train running right through the landscape of my life. All the things we did this summer like moving to Reno, getting our house ready to sell and visiting Duke’s family in Iowa would have been the major landscape scenery of the summer if that freight train hadn’t come barreling through. I like the illusion that I am in control of my life but this summer has reminded me that control is an illusion. Now I would like to think that things are getting back to normal. We are leaving tomorrow for the bay area to help Duke’s girls move back to College which starts for both of them next Monday. For Vicky we’ll help find an apartment in LA and help her move into it and for Valerie we’ll move her stuff into the dorms at St Mary’s in Moraga. Once that is done we will bring another load of our stuff from the storage locker in Union City up to the new house in Reno. We’ve lived here for going on 7 weeks and I have so far spent 5 nights here.
It bothers me some that I haven’t really thought about what it means that Mom is gone. I haven’t dealt with all the emotions of losing her forever and the horrible long dying process. I have been able to avoid falling apart emotionally by staying in denial. I
don’t think this is necessarily good but it is what it is. Any time
someone is symathetic I start to break up but then I just push all that to the background and go on. I suppose that in time I will deal with it. But for now I am just taking one day at a time. I know that it will help to spend time with my friends, my daughters and my Grandson. I’ve missed them.