My Mom – Margaret Helen Gibson Robinson – 1924 – 2007

My Mom died Friday morning July 27. She died at home as she wanted to. We had the services for her on Wednesday, August 2.

Even though she was ready to go it is very hard for those of us she left behind. We will all miss her so much. I can honestly say that I am who I am today because of my Mom. She gave me so much.

Here is the eulogy that I read at her funeral:

Mom was born in Vancouver British Columbia,  Canada. She grew up in Jasper, Alberta in the heart of the Canadian Rockies. She loved the mountains. Her Dad was an train engineer for the Canadian National Railroad. He drove the  steam engines that were  used to pull trains over the mountains. Mom said she always remembered being a little bit scared of the giant noisy engines. She had memories of her Mom taking Gordon and her down to the station to visit her Dad when he was working. She also remembered one time She and her mother rode the train to a remote mountain meadow where he stopped and let them out. They camped, spent the night and picked blueberries. The next day the train stopped and took them home

When Mom was 13 her Dad died suddenly. Mom and her Mother and Brother emigrated to the U.S. to Spokane Washington where my Grandma started a nursing home. Mom graduated from High School in Spokane. She went to Washington State University where  she received a bachelors degree in Nursing Education. One of her first nursing jobs was in Los Angeles where nurses were needed to help with the polio epidemic that was then going on. Mother worked at a few different nursing jobs for about a year and then
decided that nursing wasn’t for her. She enrolled at Iowa State University and received a BS in Home Economics education.

At Iowa State Mom met my Dad on a blind date in about 1947 (60 years ago!). They were married in 1950. Their first home was in Hibbing, Minnesota. Ironically in Hibbing married women were not allow to teach so although Mom  was a qualified teacher she went back to work as a nurse until I was born. Eventually Mom and Dad moved to Bismarck, North Dakota where Barbara, Betsy and Charlie were born.

In 1964 when the opportunity presented itself Mom urged Dad to apply for a position helping to build a new oil refinery in Brisbane, Australia. Dad got the job. Mom and Dad packed up the whole family and we moved. We lived in Australia for 5 years and then moved to England, then Wales and finally Zaire. In Zaire Dad was heading a project to build a new copper mine in a remote area. There were no schools for the American and European children so Mother started the school and was the superintendent as it
grew.

Mom was always an excellent shopper. She loved a bargain and always got value for money. During our time in Australia, England and Wales Mom began to collect antiques. Mom and Dad’s home is decorated with beautiful and interesting antiques that she bought on their travels. There are biscuit barrels, a bed warmer, bellows, chamber pots, writing desks, candle sticks, tea caddies and several clocks and that is just the beginning. In England Mom visited the china factories and collected all the china that the whole family uses today.

When Mom and Dad finally moved back to the US Mom again became active in PEO, started Bible study and continued knitting, sewing, doing needlepoint and smocking. Mom continued to love to travel. In the last years she has visited the Holy land, the Galapagos islands, Russia and many other places. Within North America Mom and Dad explored Alaska, Prince Edward Island where Mom’s family came from, the Canadian
Rockies where Mom grew up and the Tetons where we vacationed when we
were young. Dad says that Mom recently told him that she wished she had
even traveled more

When I think about Mom and all she did with her life, what stands out and what I am certain was her proudest accomplishment was our family. Being a mother defined her and she was the best mother ever. She encouraged us, she taught us, she led by
example and most of all she loved us.

To Mom family was everything and her faith was overarching. Her faith was the rock on
which she built her life. She was an amazing woman and I think all four of her children can say we are who we are today because of our Mom and her encouragement of us and faith in us. Although she is gone I know that she will live in our hearts and we will never forget her.

Books

I have been doing a lot of reading lately especially when I am sitting with my Mom.

A few weeks ago I finished reading Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin. What a wonderful book. It is definitely my favorite book of all the books that I have read in the last year. Goodwin is a wonderful story teller. I loved learning about the key figures of the American Civil War. Every person who aspires to being a great leader should read this book. Lincoln understood leadership and has to have been one of the most amazing leaders in American History.

Einstein’s Wife – Work and Marriage in the lives of Five Great Twentieth Century Woman by Andrea Gabor is  about the lives of Mileva Maric Einstein,  physicist and wife of Albert Einstein, Lee Krasner, a great American painter and Jackson Pollack’s wife, Maria Goeppert Mayer, winner of the Nobel prize in chemistry, Denise Scott Brown, architect and urban planner and Supreme court justice Sandra Day O’Connor. Other than O’Connor I knew nothing about any of these women. I liked learning  about them but on the whole the book was plodding. When you compare it to books like Team of Rivals or John Adams you realize what excellent, compelling writers Goodwin and McCullough are.

My Life in France by Julia Child and Alex Prud’homme is the life story of Julia Child focusing on the period between when she moved to France and started cooking and 1961 when she published Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Although at times the book drags a bit I found It inspiring and interesting . Child and her co-authors spent 10 years developing and researching the recipes and writing the cook book. I really admire Child’s persistence and commitment.

1776 by David McCullough is another wonderful book that I really enjoyed. Even though I knew how it would come out, the story of the beginning of the American revolutionary war is amazing. I highly recommend it.

I also just finished John Adams also by David McCullough and really loved it too. Authors like McCullough and Goodwin make writing history look easy but I know they have rare skills. John Adams, Team of Rivals  and 1776 are better than fiction.

I think I will try to read at least one book about each of our presidents. I just started His Excellency George Washington by Joseph J. Elllis which promises to  be a great read.

Our house is for sale

Our house is finally on the market! If you know anyone who is looking for a very nice house in the San Francisco Bay area have a look at our listing. The house is convenient to 880 and is in a very quiet gated community.

Getting the house ready was an enormous undertaking. We painted the whole house, installed new hardwood in our bonus room, put new carpet throughout the house, and moved all our stuff out. Once we were out the stagers came in. For any of you who have been to our house you won’t recognize the transformation. For one thing there is no longer a pool table in the living room!

I was able to work with Duke to do a lot of the work but he had to finish it himself starting three weeks ago when I came down to Escondido to help Dad take care of my Mom. Every day she gets a little weaker. She can’t talk now and she is having trouble swallowing. Mom still seems aware of much that is being said and of what is going on around her. We don’t know how long this will last but except for breaks when my daughters or siblings come I’ll stay until the end. I’m taking one day at a time and am just glad I can be here for her.

While I have been down here Duke got the old house on the market and has started moving us into our new house in Reno. Long phone conversations about the house and the move have given me a respite from thinking about things here. My daughters and my sisters and brother have also been wonderfully supportive. My sisters were here last week. My brother comes again next week and my daughters have plans to come too.

Update

Back in February I blogged about helping my parents move to an assisted living facility. My Dad was recovering from a broken hip and my Mom was battling parkinsonisms. Since then Dad has made a complete recovery and is getting around with a walker and sometimes even a cane. Unfortunately however, Mom is slipping. According to the doctors the cause of parkinsonisms can be difficult to diagnose if you don’t have the typical variety of the disease. At this point the diagnosis is atypical parkinsons with multiple system atrophy.

Mom and Dad agreed that while the assisted living facility was fine it was not home and they really really wanted to go home. So last week Duke and I were down in Escondido helping Mom and Dad move back home. Mom is no longer able to get out of bed although her mind is still very sharp. Dad is providing most of her care. He does have a caregiver coming in 4 hours a day to help.  While Duke and I were there we talked to the people from Hospice and learned about how they can help. It seems like a wonderful service and will allow Mom to stay home until the end which I am afraid will be soon.

Leaving was emotionally wrenching and every time the phone rings I think maybe that is it. My sister is there visiting now and my brother will be there next week. Depending on circumstances I will probably go back down after that.

We continue to work hard on getting the house ready to sell. We have a list of 69 things to do and 26 of them are done. Painting and packing are good distractions from thinking too much about Mom. Our target to have the house on the market is now June 15 but I am thinking that it may take us a week or so longer. Right now I am trying to just take things one day at a time.

Health Insurance and Living in a Small Town

A good friend of mine is fighting a battle with throat cancer. HD (I’m used to calling him Dieter) and his wife Una moved to a small Oregon town in 2002 after they retired. The other day Dieter sent me an email telling me the bad news about his health. He also gave me some really useful information about their experiences with medical insurance. HD and Una have been roll models for what I want to do in retirement. I regularly follow their web site.  I really value and appreciate their advice. I asked and he said I could include a portion of his email here.

"Hello Marion,

I just read you latest blog, and I had to write to you with, what I
think is, a very important issue in your retirement.  And that is
health care.

Unfortunately right now I am battling throat cancer,  am in chemo and
radiation treatment. It was diagnosed early February, had surgery in
Portland at OHSU (the university hospital there) and now they are
mopping up after it with the other stuff.  Something I have to go
through. Wish me luck!

But the reason I write to you is the fact that health care in a small
town is a *BIG* issue (at least for us it is).  Depending on your
insurance type and willingness to pay a lot, it may be very difficult
to find doctors and facilities that work with your insurance company.
Una is fighting a brave and big battle with our insurance (their name
is xxxxx and they work through a Dr. network called xxxxxx).
They have strange ideas as to what is reasonable for a patient (i.e.,
going almost 2 hours one way to receive daily radiation, luckily we
talked them out of that nonsense and are having it in town).  Also
finding doctors in a small town may a problem, i.e., there is no ENT
doctor taking our insurance list. – Also, when we moved from California
to Oregon, we learned that the company we had then, did NOT operate in
Oregon, so insurance is not necessarily transferable to another state.
Just a few things to let you know. 

Best Wishes to your upcoming move and the prep work for it.
Take care,

HD (aka Dieter) and Una"

HD asked me to xxx out the insurance company name since they have to keep working with them. His email really struck a chord with me. I have read advice like this before but I usually skip right over it because I figure we are too young to have to worry about this kind of thing. But of course that is ridiculous. Anyone can need medical care at any age and when you need it it is too late to move somewhere else.

Duke and I currently have Kaiser HMO  for our insurance. We buy it through Intuit Cobra.We have been happy with Kaiser but It looks like it is not available available in Nevada. Since we will be right over the border form California we were thinking we would keep it at least until the Cobra runs out. But given Dieter’s email I am going to do some more research. When the Cobra runs out we will probably get a high deductible insurance with a Health Savings Account.  I’ll keep you posted.